Grief & Mourning
Understanding Grief
The death of someone close to us throws us into a sea of various feelings. The waves of emotions may feel relentless, and can settle over time. However, grief is something we carry with us, often resurfacing unexpectedly. We may feel that we should “get over” a loss, but instead our process of grieving asks us to integrate that loss into our lives in a significant way. Grief is a natural human response to any significant loss, not only death. Life changes—such as illness, divorce, unfulfilled dreams, or relocation—can also bring about grief. If the loss is sudden or unexpected, symptoms of grief can be exasturbated as a defense mechanism to allow yourself to process the loss in a healthiest way it knows. It is a normal and healthy process of healing and not a problem to be fixed.
Common Experiences in Grief
Shock and Numbness. You may experience feeling numb after a significant loss. You may feel that you’re operating on “autopilot,” managing the daily tasks but feeling detached from reality.
Emotional Release. As shock fades, pain and grief become more pronounced. This is a time to release feelings openly, though you may feel pressured to “stay strong.” Concealing your emotions can prolong grief and increase physical distress.
Loneliness and Isolation. There may be periods in which you feel isolated in your experiences of grief. This period may bring intense feelings of loneliness, as you grieve.
Physical Distress and Anxiety. You may worry about how to move forward without your loved one or even experience symptoms they had, like chest pains or stomach aches. It’s common for grief to bring physical symptoms like sleeplessness or headaches.
Panic and Disorganization. Loss may make it hard to focus on anything else. You might feel trapped in a loop of memories distracting you from daily tasks. These experiences are normal and part of grieving.
Guilt. Thoughts like “What if…” or “If only…” reflect common feelings of guilt or regret. Expressing these thoughts aloud or in writing can help you release them and prevent lingering distress.
Hostility and Anger. Anger may arise toward yourself, people connected to your loss, or in general. Anger could be a secondary emotion protecting feelings of hurt, shame, guilt, or other uncomfortable feelings. Society often discourages anger, but expressing it in healthy ways is essential to healing.
Depression and Silence. The grief journey can feel overwhelming and isolating, with periods of depression and fatigue. It’s common to feel alone and unsure about the future during this time.
Moving Toward Healing
Gradually, you may begin to experience longer periods of relief from intense grief, laugh, or enjoy activities again. As you do, feelings of guilt may surface, but it is okay to find moments of joy while grieving. As time goes on, you will begin to restructure your life with the meaning you created from your loss. You may feel guilt when you find yourself laughing or planning for the future, but such feelings are part of readjusting. Grief is a unique journey for each person. Healing is not a straight line but a spiral that revisits feelings over time. Reach out for support, be kind to yourself, and remember that grief is part of healing. Grieving is not about moving on but about moving forward, carrying memories and love with you.
